Mouth Wide Shut!

post-icebag8

2007-09-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

Icebag 8 is finally over. of course it was such a relief, but more than anything, what i feel now is nostalgia and (a little bit of) loneliness. well, the sem started with me on icebag mode and so now, i don't know where to start. i don't know where to spend my nights (the boring ones). plus the fact that i will definitely miss the rehearsals, late night meetings, we-have-to-rush kinds of tasks and of course the people. the cast, production staff, the wyre underground, practicumers, and the three performers who had their farewell performance (kiko, rand and chanchan). the chances of working with them again on-stage are quite tiny so i will definitely miss them.

here are some of the happenings during the four-night show (and the 12-4am re-run on the last night because of the number of audience that were not accommodated in the 7-11pm show)

2007-08-13T11:01:00.000-07:00

i need to go to a doctor.
i need to go to a doctor.
i need to go to a doctor.
i need to go to a doctor.

waaahh!

2007-08-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

conversation of the day:

mafe: ria, nakita ko yung dalawa kong crushes last sem...

ria: o...

mafe: nakita ko sila within a week last week... silang dalawa, nakita ko.

ria: o...

mafe: anong ibig sabihin no'n?

ria: (momentary silence) wala lang... meron ba dapat?

mafe: salamat ha...

ria: baka magkaka-boyfriend ka next week... (laughs)

mafe: (smiles) hmmm... i like that!

i sooo love my cousin!

bum!

2007-07-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

conversation of the day (last night):

mafe: mitzi, may sasabihin ako sa'yo about him...

mitzi: ano yun?

mafe: feeling mo ba straight siya?

mitzi: hmmm...hindi. i think he's gay.

mafe: yun nga...i think so too...kasi...(long narrative that i can't mention here..)

mitzi: haaay...sayang! he's cute pa naman...and he's nice.

mafe: oo nga eh.

mitzi: well, there are two things you need in life: a gay best friend and a little black dress.

mafe: (kuliglig.)

moving on

2007-07-23T21:07:00.000-07:00

Waaahhh...kala nio di na ko bumalik from cebu?hehe... actually, i wished i didn't have to come back. (God! bitter na naman ako...) but, of course, it's good to be back and to see the people to whom i was excited to give my pasalubong to. we really enjoyed cebu, the shows were successful and we experienced a little bit of cebu night life (yun yun e!).

i enjoy din this moment of my life. i discovered that there are a lot of people concerned about me, and to whom i could whine and tell my heartaches to (sniff sniff.) well, as much as i want to name them one by one, i couldn't. pero i'l try...

1. mitzi (to whom i cried first when i felt like my tear ducts were about to burst)

2. dylan (the second person i cried to. i cried the moment i saw him. parang i immediately knew na he's ready to listen.)

3. ria (who never failed to lift my spirit up)

4. carlo (who let me feel na we're friends no matter what)

5. my housemates (for being there)

6. Jas and Diana (for being my coffee buddies during my lowest moments and even sa mga "wala lang" moments)

7. sarah (for always reminding me what my worth is)

8. pantas people (for making me laugh although i wanted to cry)

9. cebu pips (for the fun in cebu)

10. batong (for texting me the sweetest text a guy friend has texted me, especially nung moment na a message like that could really help.)

11. sir dennis gupa and sir caloy (for listening kahit na my whining seemed so mababaw)

12. of course, to my one and only sister, marie fat (who instead of blaming me for not listening to her, sang songs na lang to me...hehe)

13. venice, jared, and chuck (for being my "kainuman" when i badly needed to drink beer)

there may be people out there na i forgot to mention. whoever you are, sobrang i appreciate you.

sabi nga, 'things happen for a reason'... maybe this is the upside of what just happened. for me to appreciate the people who really love me, instead of looking and expecting even a little bit of care from someone who might just be pretending to care for me. :)

conversation of the day:

mafe: Aidel, bigyan mo naman ako ng advice about love...

aidel: (thinks.) alam mo, gusto ko yung hellical na konsepto ng pag-ibig...

mafe: (looks strangely at aidel.)

aidel: (with gesture) yun bang ang pag-ibig ay nag-uugnay, kumakalas, nag-uugnay, kumakalas. paulit-ulit na proseso lang. iibig ka, masasaktan, kakalas, iibig, masasaktan, kakalas.

mafe: (kuliglig)

here we come, cebu!

2007-07-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

Wheeee...tomorrow's our flight to Cebu! How's that for a weekend after a depressing week? Yeah, a lot of things happened this week that almost tore me apart. But, of course, a lot of wonderful things are still waiting for me, and i'm so glad about it. The trip is the perfect time to unwind and leave my problems here in UPLB. Or maybe, i could bring it there so that when i get back here, they're gone.

conversation of the day:

Mafe: Trizh, kapag sinabihan kang "hindi tayo nag-eexist", ano ibig sabihin no'n?

Trizh: (Thinks hard.) Imaginary friend ka siguro. Or hallucination ka lang.

Mafe: (Kuliglig.)

bored

2007-07-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you just finished reading lots and lots of readings (and pouring gallons of blood you can't stop flowing from your nose) about theories you can't even comprehend because of stress over things you don't even want to bother think about but you can't help thinking about (or even crying about?) and you badly wanted to sleep because it's already 2:25 in the morning but you just can't make your eyes close?

In my case, i wrote a super-duper bitter-mushy-nakakahiyang poem. i know that once i post that poem here, my social life will come to its end. but i don't care. hehe.. :)

so here it goes: (promise me friends pa rin tayo ha!)

May mga teorya bawat proseso ng pag-iisip ng tao,
pero bakit pag-ibig ko sa'yo, walang teoryang nabuo.

Nalaman ng pisika kung pa'no kumakaripas ang bilis,
Pero pumapaspas na tibok ng puso ko, di masukat ang bilis.

Posisyon ng mga bituin, sa Astronomiya pinag-aralan,
pero mga talang pinili natin, pa'no nila malalaman?

Sa halos lahat ng sakit, may lunas ang medisina,
Pa'nong simpleng kirot ng puso ko walang mairesetang tableta.

Tinanggap ko na na walang mga teorya,
ni walang paliwanag ang Pisika at Astronomiya sa damdamin ko kung ga'no.

Sana lang.
Sana, kayang gamutin ng medisina ang sakit na dulot mo.

Waaaa!!! ako na ang mushy at cheezy...

Conversation of the day:

Gail: (enters room, sees Mafe nosebleeding over her Eng 103 readings)
Buhay ka pa, Mafe?

Mafe: Kailangang mabuhay...

Gail: Tama, tama. Ang tawag diyan ay internal locus of control.

Mafe: (Looks at gail, bleeds more.)
(Kuliglig.)

2007-07-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

sh*t! sh*T! sh*T...hindi pa manlang ako totally nakakarecover from my flu, may pilay naman ako ngayon! what's happening to me? is this some kind of punishment from heaven or what? arghhh!!! i hate this life!

Where did i get my pilay? i fell from an elevated floor ng isang tindahan. i fell on all my four. yup! sobrang kabobohan talaga. imagine the humiliation, then when you get home, you'll realize you actually were sprained. nakakainis!

right now, operation hanap-manghihilot ang drama ko. hindi kasi pwedeng hindi pa ko magaling by sunday night or else 'di ako makakabalik ng elbi. mas lalong hindi naman pwedeng pipilay-pilay ako pauwi... asar talaga!

pwedeng isa pa? SH*T!!!

boosting one's self-confidence

2007-07-04T15:36:00.000-07:00

This is one of those days na i feel SOOOO PANGIT! Ugh... This sucks but i truly feel that way. WHy wouldn't i feel ugly when i have two (yeah, not one, but two) pimples screaming their presence on my face? Then, i have a "singaw" at the inside of my lower lip. Not just that. My nose's skin is peeling off! Grrrrr... It's because of my flu! Yeah...you read it right. I had these things na happening on my face, i have flu pa! (as in ubo and sipon) Sinong matutuwa? You know that you're face isn't that makinis then you're creating noise pa (the thundering sound of ubo and screeching of my pagsinga) in my classrooms! Sobrang humiliating talaga! hmph!

so as a form of therapy (aside from inhaling and exhaling) i looked for panget pics of people din na somehow would boost my self-esteem..hehe

these are what i got...(these are from thesuperficial.com nga pala. try visiting it, ang fun!)

pic. number 1 : ang giant calves ni Jessica Simpson.

- i know jessica isn't that skinny pero this calf is plain scary.

pic. number : Paris Hilton wearing diapers at the beach?

- surely she's not wearing diapers, but that bikini really looks like one. Why did she wear that?

haaay! at least now i know hindi lang ako ang ridiculous sa mundo....hehe. peace out! :)

haggard! like crazy...

2007-06-26T06:29:00.000-07:00

Grabe... start pa lang ng sem and already i can feel the burden of the next four months. Meeting dito meeting doon. The thing is, i'm so busy not for academic matters but for extra-curricular ones. Hectic na ang sem ko! July 13, we're off to cebu for the performance of APFTI monologues na i and Leslie wrote. Haay! This is such a big break for me. Not only was it staged in Access Point Restobar sa Quezon City for the World Fair Trade Day, madadala pa siya sa Cebu. I'm so excited and thrilled lalo na for the fact na i get to travel because of writing.

Then, our next folio in pantas is due on August. Hopefully, mapasama ulit ang piece ko dun.

Tapos, we have a project with Mam Lally and other cyclorama pips. It screams "MONEY" and "ARTS". Nice combo huh?

I'm soooo excited! Like crazy!

im back

2007-06-13T16:00:00.000-07:00

omg! i am soooo back...wheeeee! almost one month ata akong hindi nag-update..tsk tsk...well, this is just a start. right now, i'm trying to write an entry, but as usual, tinatamad ako...hmmmm, naiintindihan niyo na ba kung bakit ang tagal kong hindi nag-update?:)

langyang myheritage.com

2007-05-02T05:00:00.000-07:00

pakshet! ngayon na nga lang ako sinipag magpaka-jologs at bisitahin ang myheritage.com, niloloko pa 'ko. pinapatulan ko na nga and i was trying to run yung mga face-reko-recognition na yun. aba! nakakatatlong upload na 'ko ng photos, wala pa ring ka-match yung mukha ko. hindi ko ma-gets kung anong ibig sabihin, gano'n ba 'ko kapangit at wala talagang holywood star na minalas maging kamukha ko, o sobrang ganda ko at walang pinalad maging kahawig ng mukhang 'to?

kung sino man ang gumawa no'n, parang gusto ko isuplong. may diskriminasyon yatang nangyayari!

holiday kahapon. kami ni leslie, nag-attempt pumasok ng opisina. since wala naman kaming gagawin sa bahay, magta-type nalang sana kami ng mga kailangang tapusin sa opisina. pero pagdating namin, locked ang gate, locked lahat. nagkatinginan kami. (poker face.) bakit nga pala hindi namin naisip na holiday at walang pupunta sa office para magbukas n'on?

ginawa namin, pumunta nalang kaming SM. kumain ng lunch, naglakad ng naglakad. pumunta ng arcade at sinatisfy ang matagal ko nang gustong gawin, ang maglaro nung driving churva do'n. kung totoong kotse lang yun, hindi lang ako duguan, baka mukha pa 'kong pang-sisig dahil sa kakabangga ko sa kung anu-ano. pagkatapos ko dun, pumunta kami dun sa toy crane ba yun? basta, na-realize namin, may daya yun. kasi na-try namin both machines, yung isa, masiadong malaki yung pinaka-claw nung crane tapos maliliit ang mga toys, so it's quite difficult talaga for it to grab a toy. yung isa naman, malaki yung toys, maliit naman yung claw nung crane, so mahirap pa rin maka-grab ng toy. himala nalang pag nakakuha ng toy.

gusto ko rin isuplong ang sinumang gumawa non.

write...write...and write...

2007-04-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

maghapong nakikipagtitigan sa hindi pumipikit ni nagpapakita ng antok na monitor ng computer...

maghapong inilalapat ang mga bigat ng dulo ng bawat daliri sa mga mumunting parisukat na pindutan ng keyboard...

maghapong tinititigan ang hindi mabilang na mga letrang bunga ng bawat pagtipa ng mga mabibigat na dulo ng daliri sa bawat mumunting parisukat na pindutan ng keyboard...

maghapong naghihintay sa anyaya ng pinto ng cr nang sa wakas ay magkaroon ng pagitan ang nag-iinit na pang-upo na matagal-tagal ring nalalapat sa hindi makapagreklamong upuan...

maghapong natututo, naiiyak, natatawa, nagkakainspirasyon sa mga kwento ng bawat may-ari ng maliliit na negosyong ginagabayan ng APFTI...

maghapong pagsusulat. maghapong pag-aaral. maghapong riyalisasyon ng mga kwento ng mga taong hindi ko kilala pero unti-unting nagiging parte ng aking buhay.

discovery

2007-04-25T16:37:00.000-07:00

waaaahhh...i just discovered who my favorite singer is...it's FIONA APPLE!!! kahapon pa 'ko LSS sa 'across the universe' niya...then, i tried surfing the net kanina for more of her songs and i was truly amazed...i like those kind of songs, or that kind of voice... parang Tori Amos whom i like din talaga...

we have a new project in our practicum...we have to make new producer stories (short lang naman, for profile lang nila for the international food exhibit come May 18 sa world trade center). so our afternoon was occupied with the task of calling the companies' contact persons and conducting interviews with them OVER THE PHONE... yeah, kind of not-so-ordinary pero it was fun din naman. at least it wasn't that scary because we don't actually see the faces of our interviewees. but it was still hard to sound good given our unpreparedness...we also have to make monologues that will be presented in the world fair day...so, once again, i have to recall the playwriting principles that i learned in eng106...

the producer stories na we were working on since monday are still on hold... ang hahaba pa naman...

nostalgic

2007-04-24T14:35:00.000-07:00

parang kahapon, nasa aklan pa rin ang bosses namin. it was excruciatingly quiet sa office. indeed a perfect time to do what we've got to do. i finished na the materials for brochure, monologues and producers' stories to go.

when i finished what i had to do with the brochure, i didn't know what else to do. i decided to browse my blogs archive and before i knew it, i was already reading each entry. it was fun, parang in an instant, i recalled the moments that triggered me to write on my blog. pero may entries na feeling ko ang corny-corny ko, tapos yung iba may topographical errors pa...asar!!!

haay, hindi daw nakatulog si leslie magdamag kagabi...sad!

naiwan

2007-04-23T17:00:00.000-07:00

waaahhh!!! may electric fan na kami...leslie brought a stand fan (take note: stand fan) all the way from binan! yeah, ganon kainit sa boarding house namin to trigger leslie to bring a STAND FAN, board jeepneys and a bus carrying that. pero i understand na for her, it was all worth it. i mean, ano ba naman ang pagbibitbit ng isang STAND FAN kung kapalit ay mapayapang pagtulog sa gabi? kahit siguro mindanao pa ang panggalingan, nothing would stop leslie from bringing that fan..

anyweiz, it's kinda sad here sa office. almost lahat ng tao were in Aklan for fiber festival. i wish andun din kami ni leslie...pero we have a lot of things to do naman and to finish...kaya namin toh!!!

buhay practicumer

2007-04-20T13:00:00.000-07:00

you might wonder kung anong ginagawa ng mga practicumer na tulad namin sa ciudad kung wala namang sapat na pera para gumala.

So ano nga ba ang araw-araw na ginagawa namin ni leslie...

1. gumising around 6:30 or 7am ng umaga para maligo at mag-ayos ng sarili.

2. maglakad papunta sa office at dumaan kay ate na nagtitinda sa bakery para bumili ng almusal na usually composed of pandesal or pancit canton (o iba pang varieties ng noodles)

3. pagdating sa office, diretso sa kitchen para magkape, lutuin ang noodles na dala namin at mag-almusal.

4. pagkatapos ng almusal, go na sa cubicle, on ang computer (pc kay leslie, laptop sa kin) at magsulat ng mga kailangang sulatin

5. eksakto 12pm, lunch break na (!). punta na sa canteen ni kuya angeles (one block away sa office), mamimili ng pagkain at chibog na!

6. yosi pagkatapos kumain, mag-iintay ng 1pm at balik na sa office.

7. balik sa cubicle, at magta-type ulit.

8. at 5pm, uwi na sa parang oven naming room. (devoid of electric fan)

9. titiisin ang init at pipiliting magpahinga.

10. at around 7pm mag-iisip na kami kung saan kami magdi-dinner. (goal namin ni leslie na i-try ang iba-ibang kainan sa proj. 6 as in ibang kainan every two nights.)

11. pagkatapos kumain, diretso sa park across our place at tatambay doon until mga 9pm. (dito namin binubuo ang aming mga pangarap na gumimik at puntahan ang mga nagppracticum sa ccp.)

12. uwi na sa room, maliligo, at pipiliting makatulog. (again, devoid of electric fan.)

13. magpapaypay hanggang makatulog.

sana, may oven na air-conditioned.

mafe and leslie sa ciudad

2007-04-19T11:45:00.000-07:00

waaahhhh!!! i just got to enter my blog now...teehee..

well, how i've been since the vacation started? i've been to bicol, naia (hinatid si mitz and her bro when they were going to thailand), Marinduque (where my father is running for a position in the municipal's council and has been asking me to help him with the campaign but i declined because of my practicum and so he's kind of nagtatampo right now) and here in quezon city, as a bedspacer at kuya popoy's place and a writer at APFTI (Advocate for Phil. Fair Trade, Inc.)

so far, it's fun. especially when we (leslie and i) are in the office, doing what we have to do and going to the park (located across kuya popoy's place) in the afternoon and cooking our lungs with sticks and sticks of cigarettes because of the unbearable boredom. That's what happens when you're just one ride from Sm north edsa but you don't have enough money to even window shop...

haay!!! life sucks. life is fun.

malapit na...

2007-03-13T20:39:00.001-07:00

oh my God...i wanna cry...after all the hard work, financial shortage, emotional burden and pails of tears, retorika 7 is coming to its end. as what sir joey said, 'lumalaki ang puso ko, lumiliit ang ribs ko, therefore, naninikip ang dibdib ko...' that was exactly how i could describe my feelings for the past few weeks but now, my heart is slowly going back to its normal shape, as well as my ribs, and i could feel my lungs take normal amount of oxygen.

sa lahat ng nag-iisip na madali maging comarts...pakyu!!! pakyu!!!

patawarin ako ng Diyos, pero makakapatay ako!!!

suicidal

2007-03-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

do you remember when Julia Clarete's life was featured in Magpakailanman? you might probably have not watched it, but i had. there was a scene there where julia attempted to commit suicide, amazingly, by trying to slash (or to dig a hole on) her wrist with a monggol 2 pencil. during that time i could not understand why would someone do such a stupid thing on the poor pencil. but now, my view has changed. why? because i'm actually near to doing the same thing. and as a matter of fact, any sharp object, even a toothpick, could make me commit suicide.

(note: i'm teary eyed while typing this entry. if it was because of the fact that i haven't had even a second of sleep in the last 30 hours, or that i really were near to crying, i'm not sure.)

after weeks of being a construction worker (or tsimay according to diana), i am now dividing my time on doing my tasks as part of the set design and props committee in Pagbulas ng Sibol, rehearsing my play for REtorika 7, rehearsing my roles in two of my classmates' plays, and my academics. just recently, i realized that dividing my time for those means sleep deprivation and difficulty in finding time to eat. if God would ask me what do i want to happen right now, i would eagerly answer, "father, i'm very willing to be struck by a lightning now! right now, father!"

and i would ask Him, "is there any possibility that You would change your mind about making suicide a mortal sin?You making it legal would do me a huge favor! "

bangag

2007-02-28T20:27:00.000-08:00

Bugtong: ano ako?

- naghahakot ng buhangin para pantayin ang harap ng ruins.

- nagbuburda ng tela para gawing mapa.

- nagpipintura ng stage.

- nag-vandal ng uling sa wall ng stage pero binura din dahil mali pala.

- naghahanda ng props para sa next scene.

- naghahanap ng antique na porn magazine, chandelier, baul, etc.

- magpapapirma ng late permit sa dean's office.

- naghahanap ng twigs.

- nagbubuhat ng platform.

- gagawa ng masks para sa actor.

- umuuwi ng hatinggabi.

- marami pang iba.

ano nga ako?

gallery ng field trip

2007-02-23T22:00:00.000-08:00

para naman hindi kayo masyadong bored sa pagbisita sa aking blog, bibigyan ko kayo ng aliw imbes na puro whinings ko ang inyong nababasa...

ito ang mga ebidensiya ng ginawa kong pagkakalat sa ilocos...

pic#1: umiinom ng buko habang nagfi-feeling turista...

pic#2: simbahan...(obviously..)

pic#3: charlie's angels (aira, me, bea) with hmmmm....charlie(?) (rand)

pic#4: 'pag marinduqueña, maganda...

pic#5: kulitan wid rand...

pic#6: feeling turista...

pic#7: feeling turista pa rin...

pic#8: with comarts people...

hay...hot 'no?

the daughter is lost.

2007-02-21T06:24:00.000-08:00

the little girl still could not find her father. slowly, slowly, she started to give up. she wasn't sure if she would ever find him again. all that she could hope for is that, He's patiently looking for her. she already grew tired, only her father had the strength to look for her no matter what happens. she still believed in Him. that belief would never fade. but He had to find her quick.

galing sa trip

2007-02-21T06:20:00.001-08:00

i just came from a hot field trip in ilocos. when i say hot, it was literally hot. i could almost count the pails of sweat my body excreted while i was riding the van (which the driver claimed has an aircon, that is, an imaginary aircon for me) and while walking around the churches and historical places that we went to. if the hot feeling was because of the weather or the fact that we visited more than enough churches that a sinful soul like mine could tolerate (or the accusing gaze of the statues of the hundreds of saints i saw could burn), i am not sure, but it was damn hot. really, really hot.

we went to baguio. like, dumaan lang. we arrived there at 6pm, we were on our way to los banos at 10pm. yeah, bad trip, right. my first memory of baguio was of a dark, noisy (because of the bazaars) and crowded, cold place. i was very excited pa naman to go there. but as what diana says, sh*t happens. arghhh!

monday. back to reality. back to school. back to the script of the play that i have to finish. back to preparing for my exams. back to productions. back to looking for an actor that will willingly act for my play (unfortunately, i'm in a place where boys are either bading or gay). if only i could say sh*t as freely as other people there could, now's the perfect time shout it out. but for now, i have to be satisfied with merely sh*t.

binembang na naman ako ni bembang. (diana, sakaling mabasa mo 'to, nagkakaintindihan tayo, malamang.) sh-asterisk-t.

tomorrow, i have an exam, a paper and a speech to deliver. another sh-asterisk-t.

kurtina, nasan ka?

2007-02-07T23:30:00.000-08:00

kapag ganitong oras ng gabi at nagninet ang isang tao, anong iisipin mo?

"Malamang, nagreresearch siya ng isang napaka-intelektwal na topic."

Ganun din ang iniisip ko, madalas. ngunit nabago iyon sa gabing ito. mauunawaan ko pa kung nag-ch-check lang ako ng frenster o nag-a-update ng blog. but no! nag-reresearch ako ng....

KURTINA!!!

iyon ang nangyayari kapag member ka ng stage design committee ng isang play. kahit hitsura ng plato na kakailanganin, kailangan mong i-research. gusto nang director ng kurtina na victorian pero parang ganun sa nasa bahay ni Rizal. ano ba talaga? victorian? o yung nasa bahay ni Rizal? ewan...

dalawa ang nakalinyang plays na kabibilangan ko. yung sa practicum ko at sa playwriting class ko. last sem, isa lang ang production ko, ginusto kong mamatay. ngayon? ewan ko nalang. bahala na si Lord. mabait naman akong bata.

about dun sa kurtina...

hindi ko pedeng i-search sa google ang mga keywords na "kurtina sa bahay ni rizal"

pede ang "victorian curtains" pero pa'no ko malalaman kung yun yung kurtina sa bahay ni rizal?

Lord, mabait po ako. Promise!

i'm back

2007-01-31T23:56:00.000-08:00

"Akalain mo yun? May blog pala ako?"

it's been ages since i last updated this blog. (duh? as if a soul cares.) i'm not surprised that no one visits this humble blog anymore. but kung ikaw ang may kilo-kilong papel na ginagawa, (note: sa commarts community ng kalakhang UPLB, ang papers ay di na binibilang sa paraang per pahina, sa halip per kilo na.) This week is just an example, all in all, i had 40 pages of paperwork that i had to d0. have you ever felt like magkakapalitan na kayo ng mukha ng monitor ng computer kung saan ka nagtatype dahil sa gabi-gabi mo na siyang kaharap? That is what i feel right now. i also had to write a 30-minute play for my playwriting class. in search for consolation, i asked one of my professors how many pages would a 30-minute play consume. to my shock and agony, he replied 'one minute per page'. thus, a 30-minute play means 30 page script.

there are a lot of things that happened during my temporary absence. i'm sad i wasn't able to write it here, but it's okay. one of them is mitzi moving out of the house. it was so sad, that i would confess that i'd undergone depression for a week. it's just so depressing when things suddenly take a shocking turn. it wasn't expected at all, and everything happened so fast. one moment we were just having our dinner together, the next thing we knew, she's already moving out. it's sad, yes. but it's still a comfort to think that somehow we are going to learn from that experience, that at least we all have wonderful before-going-to-bed stories, and friendships to prove despite the physical distance. it made me think, sooner or later, we are parting ways, and there's no way we can avoid that. sadly.

2006-12-13T12:32:00.000-08:00

there was a father and a little girl, walking around a park, holding each other's hand. they strolled and strolled, never letting go, the little girl happily clinging on her father, the father lovingly holding his daughter's hand. but along the way, the little girl saw a bunch of kids playing. they called on her, convincing her to join them. the daughter was delighted, she wanted to play with them. the father won't let go, he didn't want her to go away from him, because he thought that it might be dangerous, and she might be lost. but the little girl insisted, she badly wanted to play with the other children, and refused to listen to her father. she pulled her hand away, and ran to the crowd where she thought she would be happy. she ran, never glancing back, ignoring her father's cries. she happily played with her new-found friends, and didn't bother to think about her worried father. after exhausting herself from the games she played, tired and thirsty, she turned to look at the place where she expected to see her father, but he wasn't there.she was lost. she began to feel afraid, tears started falling, and she shakingly called on her father's name. but there was no answer. she didn't know where to start finding him, what to say, and where to go. she was tempted to walk through the unfamiliar roads, but she didn't dare to. she was determined to approach the path that her father showed her. she cried and cried and continued walking.she tried not to bother think about the thirst she was feeling, how tired she was, the wound on her knee that she got from playing, and her aching feet. all that mattered to her is how she would find him again. because she knew that the moment that he finds her, everything will be okay, every pain will be healed, the thirst and weariness will be satisfied. she will continue walking. she will never give-up.she's willing to undergo the tiresome way to get near him. she strongly believes that she will find him, and if that happens, she will never let go of His hand again.

I'm Lost

2006-11-28T21:09:00.000-08:00

I was about to post a new entry. everything that i needed was out of site. this sucks!!! i wasted money to visit sites that will be of no service! arghhhh...

what happened to britney?!

2006-11-27T22:33:00.000-08:00

i was at the middle of surfing one of favorite blogs when i came across a horrible picture of guess who? Britney Spears...

i know her being horrible is not a news anymore. it is something that we got used living with, especially when she decided to make a complete mess out of her once quite okay life. well, i'm not underestimating her ability to stand up again after badly falling, but she have to do it quick, or people will just keep on being annoyed of her non-sense intrigues and horrible pictures.

have you ever imagined your worst self, or the worst that you can be? well, in my case, it was only now that i realized what would be mine. it is this:

being so fat after being once so hot is not the primary issue here, for me. but it is the fact that 1) she was holding hands with Paris Hilton (my so-hated blonde in the whole world), 2) her leopard print dress which looked like something a desperate prostitute would almost swear not to wear, 3) she just broke up with a total loser, and 4) her oh-my-gosh-who-would-wear-that-with-a-leopard-print-dress pair of shoes.

now, i'm more determined to pursue eating more healthily.

nov. 23, 2006

2006-11-22T20:42:00.000-08:00

i just received a super-duper-mega good news today. i won't write it here anymore, if you want to know about it, just ask me personally. but it really lifted up my soul today. it has been a while since good news stopped on coming to me, it was nice to receive such today.

anyway, i haven't officially enrolled myself in the university yet. i just received the money that i will use for paying my tuition tonight. it was amazing that this registration went on smoothly this semester, unlike the past ones where had to run after units and hunt professors down to complete my load which usually lacks some unit. so that was another good news.

the bad news is, i'm back in the arms of my terrorist teacher. (no, she's not from afghanistan or an advocate of osama bin laden. but i would rather have people like them as a teacher if they would promise to avoid shouting at us like she does.) actually, i already survived last semester under her. i could literally feel my flesh shake whenever she would shout at one of our classmates. fortunately, i haven't been a target of her booming insults and curses, but preparing for the worst this semester wouldn't be bad, right? what if this is my chance to be publicly humiliated?

looking at my form 5 this semester need no more answers on what my course is. the form loudly, clearly and proudly shouts that i am a ComArts student, which is quite not thrilling for me. having the subjects that i have now means that i am subjected to see the same faces everyday, those of my co-comarts classmates. it's not that they are bad-looking or something (hey, most of the gorgeous women belong to our course-hehe!), but i want to have classes were i can be with different people. well, i guess i have to accept the fact that college life sometimes sucks!

anyway, here are the list of the subjects i have for the 2nd sem of 2006-2007:

*ENG102 - business and professional reports
*ENG105 - playwriting (the most scary!)
*HUM170 - philippine arts and society (we always end up listening to our teacher's anecdotes that are usually miles remote to the topic he intended to teach.)
*PI100 - life and works of jose rizal (which purpose and importance to my life remains a mystery)
*SOC130 - social psychology (this is the subject that i should have taken centuries ago that's why now i'm stuck with freshmen comarts..arghhh!)
*SPCM104 - occassional speeches (which annoyingly requires 17 speeches that we will be delivering orally!)

did i say college life sucks?

finally updating

2006-11-16T13:48:00.000-08:00

i just came from marinduque where i spent my sembreak. i really did enjoy bumming around, meaning: eating, dvd marathons, and sleeping (which iyam and i call 'buhay baboy'). well, how 'bout watchng the whole 'my girl' dvd twice and reaching the third season of 'the o.c' also in dvd? that's just what i did. talk about loss of anything productive to do. i even wonder why i did not invest my golden time in useful books rather than just staring at lee dong wook while he delivered his lines cause i almost memorized them, and understanding seth cohen's mumbles in 'the o.c.'? yeah, even i couldn't explain.

maybe, i just needed to take a break from literature. or from books in general. i've had enough of them, and i will have more of them, while bumming is quite limited during school days.

is that the reason why? or i just thought of it now?

it is finished (barely)

2006-10-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

after almost three months of exhausting ourselves in producing 'pasyong mahal ng halo-halo', it finally came to an end. *sigh*

no matter how i wanted it to end, i still can't help myself from feeling nostalgic and lonely thinking that we won't have to see and endure each other's face every night, as we've learned to deal with for the last two months.

it was tiring, but it was worth it.

10 things i will miss about halo-halo.

1. the nightly choices of biscuits courtesy of ma'am narcisso.

2. the cd players which served my purpose during my 'halo-halo' days.

3. Sir dennis' (our director) lengthy talks every call time.

4. the chairs and tables we always had to drag out and back in the foodlab for the rehearsals.

5. ma'am giselle's screams during her 'mutya ng pasig' scenes.

6. the actors' bloopers.

7. talking and laughing about 'gibbon'.

8. tudtud's glass-breaking voice.

9. the occassional overnights at betany and jeck's narratives of unfortune.

10. everything.

it's funny how sometimes you want something to be gone, but you find yourself mourning about it when you see it slipping out of your hands.

i'm gonna be dead.

2006-10-14T22:29:00.000-07:00

i don't know. why do i have the feeling that the last day of class will become a rebirth for me. it just seems that surviving next week will be the greatest miracle that will ever happen to me.

there are loads and loads of work i have to make, i dont' even know how to start. well, i'm still glad i'm not the only one experiencing the hardships. arghhh...if only i could request from heavens for a lightning to strike me dead, i would've done that long ago.

anyways, there are a lot of things people can make when they are "bangag". like me, i was able to murder avril lavigne's song 'i'm with you'. Here's what i did:

ako'y with you

i'm standing on tulay
i'm waiting in dilim
i thought andito ka by now

there's nothing but ulan
at footsteps sa sahig
nakikinig but there's no sound

isn't anyone tryin' hanapin
kahit sino ka take me home

chorus:
o kay lamig ng night
tryin' intindihin this life
won't you, kunin ang kamay
take me somewhere new
i don't sino ka but i'm
ako'y with you
ako'y with you

(hindi ko alam yung sunod na verse)

bridge or coda or whatever:
bakit ang lahat so confusing
siguro i'm just out of my mind
yeah, yeah, yeah....

repeat chorus

patawarin niyo na ako. hindi lang naman ako eh. here's a conversation between kuya jc, yza and iyam (sumali din pala ako) while the two girls were studying for their stat exam and kuya jc was typing a paper:

Kuya jc: magkano magpa-print ng colored?

yza: anong kulay?

Iyam: (laughs) huh?

yza: ang alam ko kasi kapag black and white two pesos. kaya depende sa color.

Iyam: (laughs) YZA!!!

Mafe: siguro mas mahal 'pag red no? (laughs)

define BANGAG..

I LOVE LEE DONG WOOK!

2006-10-11T00:47:00.000-07:00

I am now going loco over Lee Dong Wook's (a.k.a julian of my girl) videos! arghhh..he's so gwapo i couldn't stop myself from watching his vids...*sigh

anyway, a typhoon just passed by (i guess most of people know that). fortunately, our apartment was spared from floods or any tragedy. although some parts of our ceiling dripped, we were okay naman.

the typhoon caused a week-long vacation in UPLB. it slowed me so much that i didn't know where or how to start when the classes resumed. you know, it was like first day of class but loads of paperworks needed to be submitted, tons of exams were waiting, and projects were patiently falling in line. that was the time i realized there is really a word called 'momentum'. i lost it, and had this bumming mode.

our apartment served as an orphanage for our friends who didn't have electricity in their houses. the whole week was spent in entertaining and talking with visitors. it was fun, i did not feel the boredom i knew i should've felt.

the 'WAKE ME UP THIS SEMESTER ENDS' still remains.

i love LEE DONG WOOK!

sept. 27, 2006

2006-09-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

WAKE ME UP, WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS!!!!
WAKE ME UP, WHEN THIS SEMESTER ENDS!!!
WAKE ME UP, WHEN NEXT WEEK ENDS!!!
WAKE ME UP, WHEN OUR PRODUCTION ENDS!!!

THE PROBLEM IS...NATUTULOG PA BA AKO?
HOW DO YOU WAKE UP SOMEBODY WHO DOESN'T SLEEP?
hi mafe!! (trizh)

alam 'to ng lahat ng friends ko: gusto ko magka-cancer. para masaya love story...yung tipong pupuntahan ka ng guy sa canteen tapos sisipsipin mo yung straw sa tetrapack na wala nang laman kaya gross yung tunog pero kukulitin ka ng guy...tapos sasabihin mo "promise me you won't fall in love with me," pero hindi papaniwalaan nung guy kaya eventually sasabihin mo, "i don't need any reason to be angry with God!" (habang nagpipigil ng tears) tapos gagawan ka niya ng telescope (ngiik! wala naman akong interes sa stars!) tapos lalagyan ka niya ng pekeng tattoo na butterfly (sa 'kin, kahit henna, hwag lang peke na nakadikit sa plastic)

basta! feeling ko maganda love story kapag may terminal illness...tapos 'pag nakakalbo na ako, magko-collect ako ng maraming scarves...yung scarves ko kasi, i can't wear palagi kasi ang kapal ng buhok ko, feeling ko pangit!

pero, paano kung may cancer nga pero wala namang guy? naku dilemma yun! wag nalang!

pero ngayon, gusto ko na ulit. kasi ang dami ko ipapasa and gagawin. i just want to die, para maka-escape. kaso wala na romantic scenes. ang consolation ko, yung teachers ko imbes na magalit kasi hindi ako nakapasa, iiyak sila at malulungkot sa pagkawala ko. baka nga makonsensiya pa sila kasi at my last breath, requirements nila ang iniisip ko. tapos, matatakot sila, feeling nila magmumulto ako at papasok sa class nila para magpasa..hehehe..wawa naman!

next time nalang continuation...(bente lang pera ko, 19 pesos na yung bill ko!)

september 15, 06

2006-09-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

7 Things I'm Exhausting Myself With Nowadays.

1. paperworks, paperworks, paperworks.

There was this author who said, "I love being a writer, what i can't stand is the paperwork." Who wouldn't agree with him? Raise your hands.

2. rehearsals in our production project.

Our project in our theater class is a theater production. Ours is entitled, "Pasyong Mahal ng HAlo-halo Na Sukat Ipag-alab ng DAmdamin ng Sinumang Kakain Nito." I'm one of the stage managers. Don't ask what a stage manager does. It is like going to a suicide mission. We are responsible for everything, from the technicals to the artistic side, from the director's instructors to the actors' concerns. We're both amo and katulong at the same excruciating time.

3. traveling

i'm in Bicol right now. courtesy of Mitzi. we are spending our weekend here and left tons of works at los banos. Who says unwinding and working can't go together?

4. competing with my housemates on whose eyebags would sag faster.

sleeping at around 3am and waking up early to attend our classes. It's becoming a norm in our house. my teacher suggested pouring redbull on our coffee to fight the urge to sleep. What do you think?

5. going gaga over korean series and actors.

weeks of heating the dvd's of korean series, need i say that we were addicted? if only we have aladin's magic lamp, maybe we've been in Seoul long ago, and probably staying there now.

6. working (seriously) on my projects for other subjects.

unfortunately, my subjects that require paperworks (that i can almost build a library with) and the theater subject (that i'm slowly commiting suicide with) are not the only subjects i have. i'm feeling sick with the word "project", i almost want to throw up.

7. killing myself for thinking of all of those things that i'm busy with.

stress is the best word that clings on me now.

i hate hil

2006-08-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

I SOOOO HATE HILARY DUFF!!!! that's official..no one can ever pursue me to like her from now on..right now, i want to burn her alive, chop her into tiny, microscopic-ish pieces, and put sili on her chopped flesh and cook her to become sisig! maybe that way, i'll learn to like her pa!

Why? kung dati, it was because i find her obese and ridiculous (aside from her boses na boses ipis and for some strange reason e nakakaalbum pa) now, she almost ruined my life... actually, she ruined my day...

you remember my supposedly live broadcast today? yes, and for that, i did not attend my 9-10am class (which is one of my favorite classes). i made sure everything was prepared and that nothing would go wrong.

so i went to devcom building and assisted my classmates who were also doing their live broad before me...when it was my turn, i did some introductionand greetings and played that crap of haylie and hilary duff's version of 'material girls'...it was right in the middle of that song when everything went blank...everything...i couldn't see anything...i couldn't hear anything...matagal bago nagsettle sa utak ko, BROWNOUT!!!

wala akong ibang nagawa kundi ligpitin ang aking gamit at magpa-reschedule...

sa umpisa palang, alam ko nang walang gagawing mabuti sa 'kin si Hilary Duff...

supermodel

2006-08-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

i'm currently downloading songs for my live broadcast on friday. actually, i'm done with most of them last night, but i realized this morning that i needed more songs. well, i wasn't really planning on writing an entry, i just can't do anything while the limewire is busy doing its task. i'm excited for friday..not just for the broadcast, also for something else which i chose to keep as a secret for the meantime.

i'm currently listening and going emo over 'heart like a wheel' of the corrs. who wouldn't knowing the corrs' songs anyway?

hmmm...i'm falling in love with same same. i find them uber cute in their music video, supermodel. but honestly, i was never one of those girls who went gaga over them when they were still known as the moffats. let's just say that now, i know i won't appear stupid and pedophilic liking them unlike then that they were just a bunch of kids making toys out of their guitars, drums, and voices. right now, all i can say is, they are papalicious!!!!

suddenly, i wanna be a supermodel!

the writing dj

2006-08-10T23:48:00.000-07:00

i'm feeling so much wonderful tonight. do you remember when i had my entry about my application to this particular organization and that i had to pass an eight-pages fiction? i underwent a workshop hours ago. whoo!at first i was scared, but when i saw who were going to criticize my work, i breathed a sigh of relief. they are professors (there was even a third placer in palanca award, sir dumlao, that is) yes, but they were definitely not scary. they spoke softly of my weaknesses and praised me when they saw some strengths. i really don't regret entering that org. now, i'm excited with what will happen next.

meanwhile, i am both excited and nervously shaking my butt for my live broadcast next next week. yeah, i typed it right, live broadcast. meaning, we have this requirement in our community broadcasting class (obviously) to make a fool of ourselves and play songs we don't even bother listening to for 30 awful minutes. we just passed our scripts last tuesday (which i really forced myself to finish in the midst of sleeping housemates and a sleepy quiet night). i can't believe i will be playing songs of hilary and haylie duff (i hate hilary). i will be featuring songs by siblings. during my practices with the console, that is, the mixer churva (you get it!), my hands didn't know where to go. now i appreciate dj's more. imagine, you have to control the volume of your mic, while playing songs in 3 or more different players, while controling the volume of these players, while speaking, while reading your script, all at the same time.for the first time in my life, i wanted to be shiva. yeah, the hindu god with several arms. i felt my hands twisted in knots and my tongue, too. i can't help being bulol, especially in those moments, when you have to worry about something other than speaking.

here are some pictures of me generously taken by my coach, mitzi, while i was practicing with the console. (yeah, that is the mixer churva)

"good morning elbi! you're locked in to lbfm 97.4 local loud and proud...

the studio... (talk about a slouching dj!)

Aug. 2, 2006

2006-08-02T23:15:00.000-07:00

i've finished my paperwork in Eng101 (English Prose Style) class to be submitted on friday...i felt a gush of relief when i typed the last word. and guess what that word is. BACLARAN. the story is a secret. it is a four-page fiction. i had a hard time thinking about an interesting story but it was worth it.

the further i study about creative writing (or writing in general) the more i find it difficult. maybe because now, i look at it in a more liberated lenses. i mean, before, i had a totally different definition of writing, and it's "me"- oriented. i wrote because i wanted to express myself, i wrote because i had something to write, i wrote because i wanted to. now i know that those intentions are wrong motives for a true writer. writers write because they have readers, not because they have themselves. as what mam bucoy always says "readers don't give a s*** on what you think, on what you feel and what you want to say." as a writer, one must give his readers something they haven't experienced yet, and must give it in an extraordinary way. now i wonder, can i really stand being a writing major and eventually fight against the competitive world of words and metaphors as a profession. do i have what it takes to be a fierce warrior of words and a commander of someone else's (my readers to be) imagination? it's so early to say. if only writing is as easy as writing. *sigh*

okay, that was quite serious. that was my alter ego, my writer alter ego. :) i don't want my entry to be as boring as that. but i think i have to admit i have boring tendencies sometimes. so, to deviate from the boring part, i'll include here a conversation we've had this afternoon while hanging out (and not ordering anything) at mcdonald's.

conversation:

diana: grabe, 14 speeches sa spcm104 (occassional speeches) ang required sa 'min.

mafe: e di dapat pagkatapos mo nian, good speecher ka na. (laugh)

diana: ha?

mafe: sabi ko speecher.

chino: speecher? tama ba yun?

mafe: hehe..basta gusto ko speecher. (laugh)

bullet: anong sabi mo mafe?

mafe: (looks intently at bullet)

bullet: yung huli mong sinabi..

mafe: MANOK!

(all laugh except Bullet.)

hay! the beauty of life.. :)

July 30, 2006

2006-07-31T22:42:00.000-07:00

i was feeling sleepy all day. i think it is because of the stress i'm undergoing since last week. i noticed myself having this improper breathing (like mitzi's). sometimes i find it hard to pull a breath. i hope i'm okay, i dont' want to see a doctor or something unless i feel really awful. it might just add up to my stress.

maybe, it's also because of the thoughts i've been playing in my mind every now and then. i won't mind if those thoughts are about crushes or things that bother a normal person, but my thoughts are about my subjects for my next fictions that i have to submit in certain classes. it's okay sana if i really have something to think about, but the problem is, i can't think of anything to write. how hard is thinking about nothing but you know you have to arrive with something? i've tried it and its damned hard. in moments like this i wonder if i really want to be a writer. but i always arrive in the thought that it's already late for me to backout. i have to finish this course and maybe, i can decide afterwards. i know believe with what the studies say :"WRITERS DIE TWENTY YEARS EARLIER THAN NORMAL PEOPLE." i think this applies to real writers. i mean real writers do not write to express themselves as what the they-think-they-are-writers do. if you're a real writer and you know what a true writer's intention is, you will find it hard to write, and you'll realize that writing is a sacred thing, not just an outlet for emotion.

yesterday, we went on a trip to UP diliman and ccp. we watched a play entitled "shadow of the reef" in diliman and also a couple of plays in ccp entitled "ars poetica" and "rite of passage". i enjoyed them all and now proved to myself that anton juan, jr. (the writer and director of shadows of the reef and a theater prof in diliman) is a genius. i also admired the child cast of the "shadows..". that child is one hell of an actor. he was able to deliver his dialogues well and execute his dance movements amazingly. i'm really sad with the rumors that anton juan is soon leaving the country to pursue full-time teaching in the university of notre dame. i mean, that's another loss of a talent for our country. the plays in ccp were also incredible. the stories are great.

i wanna pee.

july 27

2006-07-27T23:55:00.000-07:00

arghhh... something's wrong with blogspot.com.. it took me a little while before i was able to enter the site..

anyway, today was quite stressing. we discussed evolution in our sosc1 class! come on! why do we have to burn our brows in something that is not actually true? why do we have to pronounce words (like the scientific names of those apes alleged as our ancestors) that actually won't help us in anything? i mean, if we came from apes ( which is actually hard to prove and was just talked about in a bunch of stupid theories of those who think they look like apes), then what does it have to do with our lives.. it doesn't even help in boosting up one's self-esteem.. man-coming-from-ape-idea is just so annoying and non-sense..okay, or me.

we heard our exercise in dvcm30 today. i sounded like a sleepy, starving, script-reading dj.. it's so irritating. i never expected that it was that bad. i mean, while i was recording it, and i was in front of the mic, i sounded good, but obviously, the record says otherwise.

today was our first time to meet our students in lts 2. they were grade 5 students and needless to say, they are magulo! they were like the pigs where the demon which Jesus casted away from a man went. do you know that story? yeah, they were the pigs who jumped off the cliff when the demon went to them. i'm not saying that the kids are evil or something, but they do act like possessed pigs. no offense. they were so noisy and some were even breakdancing while we were teaching them. it was a traumatic experience. they are cute though. i wouldn't mind going back there, aside from the fact that it is inevitable, i know that somewhere in those children are their angelic side. let us pray.

i auditioned this afternoon for the play our thea107 (theater communication) class will help produce. i won't go to the specifics of the audition. all i can say is, I TALKED TO A KAWALI!. what a wonderful experience indeed. i made a fool of myself, really.

i'm still and becoming more tired.

july 25, 2006

2006-07-25T23:55:00.000-07:00

Typhoon again. yet there wasn't anything exciting about it except for the coconut leaves falling while we pretend we don't care and continue attending our classes because there's no way our classes are going to be suspended. all of these are our heartless cancellor's fault!

about my last entry (the dating whatever), i'm planning to post here some of the pictures i took . but i haven't had any time to do it yet 'cause i'm busy with all the paperworks due this week. well, all i want to do now is to sleep and dream on having our classes suspended.

i just came from manila. i thought there was no way for me to get out of that place but to swim through the disgusting, black, super-duper-mega-napakakadiring baha for all seasons. fortunately, there was a way: to ride on tricycles! i can't imagine i had to suffer that just to attend my classes while my cousins were so relaxed sitting while watching the rain fall because they have no class. why does the world had to be so unfaiiiiiiiiir!

can you see? i'm tired!

the night!

2006-07-20T19:57:00.000-07:00

do you still remember what we have tonight? it's thursday night! and it's the night for our forced-dating classmates..hehehe..i don't know but i'm the one who's feeling excited for them..well, it's better that to worry how will i describe them in whatever angle...

So what did i bring for this paparazzi-ish project? i should check it, yes!

1. pen.. a sure, not sick pen. (check)

2. four sheets of yellow paper to write on. (check)

3. a digicam... so if i get bored hanging around and watching them eat while i starve, i can just take pictures of them where i will base my write-up. i borrowed it from mitzi... (check)

4. Pangoy (the name of my umbrella)... so that i can still watch them if it rains, this is so unfair!... (check)

5. money... if i can't stand the sight of them eating, you know what i'll do... (check)

well, that's all for now...i'd better be going...i should be there when they arrive! wish me luck...=)

drinking coffee in the midst of pouring rain

2006-07-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

i'm currently conceptualizing the short story that i will submit to the org i am trying to enter. it is an eight page fiction. i initially planned to submit my finished ones, but i realized i need to make a new story. medyo kinakalawang ang utak ko for metaphors and imaginations. i really need to practice and the number one i need to do is to create new stories. right now, i'm on the seventh page, so one more page to go. i actually think it's not that good. i wrote it in Filipino because i just felt the need for it. the story basically emphasizes on Filipino culture so i thought it would be better if it would be in the language that will help convey that purpose. Also, the story is somewhat dramatic, so i thought that it will be more sincere if written in Filipino. i'm planning to make it an "in medias res" kind of story. it is the kind that has no beginning as it will have no end. well, it might depend on my mood once i started finishing it.

i'm also excited for Thursday night. two of our classmates(a boy and a girl) in our Eng106 (creative writing) class will have a dinner date on that particular night and it will be a treat from our prof. why they ended up forced to date each other is a loooooong story. basta, they will eat dinner together on thursday night without paying anything (except if the boy would give his date flowers.=)) of course our prof has a purpose in doing that. while they are busy dating and eating their yummy free meals, the rest of the class will have to stalk them and observe their date. in short, mag-aala paparazzi kami!we are required to write five descriptions of their dinner. yes, you read it right, FIVE! we will have to describe it in five different angles. it might seem fun now, but i wonder what will happen when i am already there. how will i find those angles. well, i guess we'll just see on thursday evening.

this morning, after our 10:00-11:30 class, gail and i walked to mcdonald's. the rain was pouring then and we literally were drenched from shoes to knees. we were also very cold and i was really shaking. luckily when we reached the gate, there was a free-taste nescafe booth outside. we went there and asked for coffee. it was so soothing. i was soaked in the rain, i was freezing to death and the coffee was the perfect companion in such a moment. then, one of the girls there handed me a flyer and survey sheet about the activity. however, the flyer was about a battle-of-the-band sort of thing sponsored by nescafe. it was entitled SOUNDSKOOL 2006.

my answers on the survey goes like this:

1. What do you think/can say of the coffee we gave you?
- TASTES GOOD. NOT TOO STRONG, NOT TOO SWEET. JUST WHAT A COFFEE SHOULD BE.

2. What do you think of this activity?
- PERFECT TIMING. YOU'RE COLD FROM WALKING IN THE RAIN AND SURPRISE! A FREE-TASTE COFFEE BOOTH RIGHT OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL GATE!

3. does this activity appeal to you or not?
- VERY APPEALING TO ME. CAN YOU DO THIS EVERYDAY?

4.before today, were you aware of Soundskool or not?
- NO. WHEN I STOPPED AND GOT A CUP OF COFFEE, THEY FORCED ME TO GET A FLYER. HUHU!

5. What do you think?can say of Nescafe's Soundskool?
- SOOOOOO MAINSTREAM-ISH! WHAT'S UP WITH BANDS AND ROCKERS GETTING INVOLVED IN PRODUCTS LIKE COFFEE, BEERS, SHAMPOO, ETC..NOWADAYS?

6. hOW did the activity make you feel towards Nescafe? Soundskool made nescafe...
- DID NOT CHANGE MY FEELINGS TOWARDS NESCAFE.. I NEVER THOUGHT OF BANDS WHEN I DRINK COFFEE ANYWAY.

7. have you heard of any other brand /company sponsoring a band competition?
- (checked yes)...YEEESSSSSS...

8. what brand/company sponsoring a band competition?
- CAN'T NAME THEM ALL..THERE ARE SO MANY, THERE ARE EVEN LOW-PROFILE ONES..

9. how do you think we can improve this activity?
- THE QUESTION IS: CAN YOU THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE?

10. Are you inclined to attend the Grand Finals on Nov. 11? How much would you pay for a ticket?
- I'M TIRED OF BANDS, BANDS, BANDS, AND BANDS. I HOPE YOU CAN REALLY OPT FOR PROJECTS THAT PROMOTE ARTISTRY, CULTURE AND INTELLECT...NOT JUST NOISE.

sorry for music-lovers out there. it's not that i'm against the idea of bands being famous and winning prizes from such contests. it's just that other kinds of arts are not given priviledge anymore to showcase their talents. i mean, it's always about bands, music, rockers, etc. what's up with up dharma down, sugarfree and brownian revival's involvement in head and shoulders, or kitchie nadal and barbie's ad in sunsilk? i'm getting tired of the word BAND!

july 12, 2006

2006-07-12T20:23:00.000-07:00

there are a lot of things one can think about bagyo. right now, thinking about florita (the name of the current typhoon) makes me think of the affected families in northern luzon, the fishermen who weren't able to sail and make money in days, the ruined facilities (like a lightning striking the LRT2), and the possibilities of classes being canceled..YEHEEEEEEYYYYYY!!!! (kunwari pa 'ko, yun lang naman talaga inisip ko..=) ) i'm already thinking of how my day would be productive tomorrow, even if the classes will be suspended..i will definitely sleep until my eyeballs bulge out of my eye sockets! i will sleep until my head hurts and i can't move my body anymore!!! can you imagine how productive is that?! yeah, soooooooo fruitful day indeed...

nga pala, tonight i was able to attend the orientation of my dream organization since my freshmen days..it is a writing organization and i am so satisfied that finally, my chances of being member of the org is approaching.. it is my dream org not just that i will be able to practice writing but because it is not the stereotypical org in UPLB.. (yeah, like the orgs that define loyalty as slapping applicant's faces, cursing them at the top of their voices, and labeling them as idiots because they won't do what they want them to do, which are always unimaginable!).. i like the principles of this org.. they are a group which aims to hone talents and skills and produce artists, not wild, sadistic, ill-speaking, revenge-seeking members.. i've seen how they enjoy each other's company, even though they have no initiations-to-prove-love-for-the-organization processes.. i really am so excited to be a part of the family, and to write and write and write and to have someone appreciate my works (of course aside from my teachers and housemates..=) )..

i also enjoyed our dinner tonight..after eating a free meal at the said orientation, i went home and saw Yza cooking for dinner.. guess what they decided to cook (yes, it was a majority decision)..hard-boiled eggs (which turned out to be soft-boiled), pancit canton chili-mansi, beef flavored instant noodles, and a lot of rice..actually, they were planning to add tuna in the menu. i don't know what stopped my housemates from opening a can.. do i have a reason to expect tommy's (my stomach) complains later..=)

p.s.
we made tambay sa mini-stop until 4am! aliw! dis is a shot of me..:)

quote of the day

2006-07-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

conversation of the day:

rula: ang dami na ng patalastas ni pacquiao..kulang nalang feminine wash..

mafe and jen: oo nga..

rula: naisip tuloy namin sa coma 105..siguro kung gagawa siya ng feminine wash commercial, ganito..(fist in the air, elbow 90 degrees, imitating manny pacquiao's voice and accent)
KNOCKOUT ANG AMOY!

mafe and jen: hahahahahahehehehehehahahahahahhehehehehahahahahahah!

and rula pa: hahahahahehehehehehahahahahhehehehehhahahahah!

note: Rula and jen are my classmates in dvcm 30 (fundamentals of community broadcasting)..we were seatmates on july 10..this is not the exact conversation, but it is as i remember it..=)

matapos kagabi, ngayon naman..

2006-07-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

okay, remember my entry last time? (yeah, my last entry before this) i was talking about my reaction paper, right? yeah, i was able to submit it at last...this morning lang..and guess what? mali pala yung position ng page numbers ko..dapat sa lower middle pero i put it in the lower right hand corner! talk about matalino!..kaganda na nga ng title, ang galing pa ng page number!huhuhu...i should've bewn excellent pero anong ginawa ko? i ruined it because of one lousy title and lost page numbers who don't know san ba dapat cla! hmph..

eto pa, i found myself this morning singing alyssa alano's "keys me"..that was pretty annoying because it was really stuck in my mind and i couldn't get rid of it..i tried thinking of other songs pero wa epek..the worst thing is, i don't even know the lyrics, and yet the tune kept on playing in my mind..kaasar! not that i hate alyssa (*second thought..*), but it's that i hate the thought na other people are making fun of that song and yet i can't imagine why on the earth's crust did it stick in my mind..

tapos, sa aming coma 105 (advertising and public relations) class, nagrecitation kami..we were allowed to pick topics to recite which was initially okay but, (yeah, there's a big BUTT!!sorry BUT pala..:) ) we also had to pick out a situation in which manner we have to deliver our answers...and napunta sa kin is....."talking to a korean of your age"...i panicked talaga. i have no experience in talking with koreans...sabi ko kay teacher,
"ma'am i have no experience talking with a korean, japanese lang..."
she pouted her lips, and laughed out loud...bakit kaya?

i have a question...bakit mukhang pusa si Naruto?

nagmamaganda

2006-07-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

i rushed here in the nearest computer shop in the middle of the night to print a paper i have to pass tomorrow..the paper is a reaction to an essay we read in our english101(english prose style) class. the essay is entitled "creative writing: can it/should it be taught?".. yeah! quite a complicated issue indeed. considering myself as a creative writing student, then i should be on the it can/it should be taught side, you would think. but ironically, and for a very strong reason, i chose to be on the other side. o, wag na ko pagpaliwanagin! i'm tired of it na because of the paper. but i think i did it well naman. i enjoyed writing it and ideas gushed out of my mind while i was typing the paper.
so as i've said, i had no difficult time doing it. then came the time when i have to think of a title for my wonderful critique-slash-reaction-slash-argument paper. aba, napatanga ako! i spent an hour thinking for a "creative" title (as what our teacher wants it to be). ang sakit sa damdamin. it was easy for me to write the whole paper and yet i was bothered just because of a phrase for the title! and then finally, i came up with the magical phrase.....................................tantananan-tan-tan-tan-tan..... (sorry, i'm out of beat tlaga..:D)..ETO NA......... "CREATIVE WRITING: WHY SHOULDN'T IT BE TAUGHT?".....ang creative noh? yeah, right! and to think na isang gold na oras kong pinag-isipan yan, ang sakit talaga! could it be na nasaid na ang utak ko for the right word kasi i really poured my best dun sa body niya?..arghhh...tapos ang kapal ng mukha ko na sabihin na hindi dapat tinuturo ang creative writing. dapat pala may subject sa com arts curriculum na Title 101 (introduction to titles or fundamentals of titles)...kaso parang nakakatanga yun!
namimiss ko na kapatid ko sa manila!:(

am busy

2006-07-09T06:54:00.000-07:00

wala lang

2006-07-03T06:31:00.000-07:00

what could be more thrilling than recovering something you lost for the longest time?YEAH!!! it actually happened to me today...i lost the thing last sem, and now it's back to my arms after a couple of months...i won't go for the details now (if you want to know the details, just approach me and ask, i still won't tell..*joke*)
okay, i really think being shaky every 1 to 2pm of MWF is inevitable...so there is no choice but to endure it, right?

am scared!

2006-06-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

honestly, with all truthfulness, and without any trace of joke,i'm shaking!!!arghhhh...i really am nervous. who would not be when you know that in an hour or so you'll be facing a screaming, so kupal professor...the worst is, i might be called to recite an assignment given to us...kumusta naman yun??? i want to end the world right now... i can die too! if only i can do something to avoid seeing her... i'm willing to bargain seeing her with seeing a ghost tonight (kahit pa si Sadako). pwede bang makagat na lang ako ng vampire or something...
my only resort now is that she will be in a good mood in our class...

i'm back!!!

2006-06-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

okay..sure some of you guys missed me (okay, let's say i'm imagining things)..it's been a while since i last updated my blog..anyway, i'm now here in UPLB na naman..everything's back to normal..my vacation bumming is totally over and i sure am gonna miss it..
bout my last entry (remember the stupid thing? no, i wasn't talking about stupid love there!), thank God it really didn't happen.. something went up and i wasn't able to do the "stupid thing".. i guess God don't think i'm stupid (yeah, He destined me to be great), so He didn't allow me to make fool of myself..isn't that just sweet?

anyway, there's a lot of things i am excited about for this sem (yeah right! everybody has..)

1. discipleship
as in new disciples!!! i'm really excited to reach out for those freshies..

2. youth jams
i missed the regular earthquakes at 5th floor! (not to mention the "MORE,MORE!!!"'s)

3. mcdo society
i wonder who will be added to the noisiest group in mcdo..

4. new professors
(yeah, i'm just kidding!)

5. my dvcm subject
the requirements are scary!!!

6. eng 106
creative writing.. it's a major subject..(talk about passion!)

7. exams (?)
(okay fine!i hate it, but it's possible naman to be excited for something you hate, right?)

8. quizzes
(now, i'm a total liar!)

9. papers
(what do you call those liars who exceed total liars?)

10. final grades
kaw na ma-excite sa final grades!

stupid

2006-05-19T03:11:00.000-07:00

hay naku..im about to do something really stupid..pero i can't stop myself from doing it!
right now, i feel nervous yet, excited..arghhh..i can't even continue..i really am not in my right mind!!!!!!!!

hmmmm....

2006-05-05T14:46:00.000-07:00

finally, after waiting for so long to touch a keyboard, i was able to do it now. oh well, ang layo ko sa kabihasnan this summer. meron namang internet cafe sa min, kaso 45 pesos per hour, tapos parang pilay na pagong kabagal. kumusta naman yun?kaya eto, nag lakbay ako for an hour bago makarating sa mundo ng matinong presyo ng internet.
how was my summer vacation?ok naman. well, what do i expect in this kind of place but to endure boredom. masaya naman. kain-tulog lang. dati, lagi akong gumagala, kaso nagtampo yung kabarkada ko sa kin. isasama ba naman ako sa panliligaw. ano gagawin ko dun?mag-didirek sa mga sasabihin nia?kaya yun, nawalan ako ng kasama gumala. sa bahay nalang ako nagstay. nag-iintay ng 3pm araw-araw para bumili ng halo-halo. actually, i don't know what made me set up a time to buy halo-halo. basta ayoko bumili ng halo-halo pg nde alas-tres ng hapon (weird!).
mis ko na ang school, ang church, roommates ko, some dormmates, and churchmates. pero prang ayoko pa mg-end ang summer. gusto ko pa mgbakasyon!

at last i can breathe

2006-03-21T20:34:00.000-08:00

for weeks, it's only now that i was able to breathe a bit. with all the deadlines and requirements, parang naging asthmatic ako these past few days. paper dito, paper doon. i won't be surprised if one day i'll just freak out and be traumatized with the word "pAper". one more paper to go, okay na. but i still have exams. i still need to study especially in my math. tomorrow na ang pre-finals. i'll be damned if i fail it. i passed the midterm and my chance of being exempted from finals now depends on tomorrow's torture. i'm in faith na i'll overcome it victoriously, although if asked about my status now, parang im daydreaming (or sobra pa sa daydreaming).
depressed ako sa Coma104 knina. ang baba ng result ng exams ko. our prof let us compute our grades. and then came the time to compute our exercises, assignments and quizzes. bakit naman kailangang mag-fall sa isang date lang yun. And i was absent that particular date because that was the time that my phlo9 class was dissolved and i had to fix my registration. bakit ganun?unfair! at the end, my score? 6/57. kumuzta naman yun? parang ang stupid/tamad kong estudyante and tho think that was one of my favorite subjects this sem. arghhh...parang i want to die kanina! buti nalang, one of my friends bought me two doughnuts. depression-reliever ba. then gelay gave me pillows. pano nalang kung wala ang mga yun at ang bible ko?
ngayon, i have to work on my paper, investigative siya, something about mcdonalds. hindi ko pa alam title. kumusta naman yun? sa fiday na due nun a!

This Day Wasn't Good

2006-03-17T21:30:00.000-08:00

Hay naku. nakakaasar ang araw na 'to. nakakapagod. nakakagutom. nakaka-dehydrate. nakakadepress. nakakawala ng energy.

eto ang list ng mga hindi magandang pangyayari.

1. submission ng first draft ng research paper sa coma192.

2.puyat ako.

3.walang tubig sa dorm. (wag nang magtanong kung ano problema ko.)

4.submission namin ng group folio supposedly at 10-11 am at guess what time kami naka-submit? 4pm! dahil sa mga pangyayaring bakit naman ngayon pa nangyari.

5.wala na akong pera.

6.hindi ako nakapag-lunch!

7. nadapa si mitzi.

8. binigay na sa amin yung take home exam namin sa math na "all or nothing" ang method ng checking.

9. plano kong matulog kanina, pero dahil nga sa napakaganda naming folio, hindi ko nagawa yun.

10. at marami pang iba.

what about good things na nangyari?

1. kumain ako ng turon twice today.

2.nakakita na si mitzi ng magiging housemate namin next sem.

3. after ng sobrang pag-pa-panic dahil hindi pa namin nasa-submit yung group folio namin, na-submit din namin cia.

4. kumain ako ng pillows.

5. nung kinailangan kong sumakay ng jeep, may jeep na dumaan.

6. may payong ako nung umulan.

7. kahit puyat ako, nagising ako nung kelangan kong gumising.

Hmmmm....halata bang pinilit kong sumaya?

ako ay nagbalik...

2006-03-14T16:16:00.000-08:00

Hapi new year sa 'kin...bakit kamo? ang tagal kong hindi nag-update. masiado kasing busy, sa school, sa church, sa past election. however, i don't feel bad na i'm that busy, i feel fulfilled naman. kso nga lang, napabayaan ko blog ko.
Wala akong magawa. lista ko nalang mga major papers na i need to finish this month. (para masaya!)

1. historical fiction (eng5)
2. profile (eng5)
3. commentary (eng5)
4. group folio (eng5)
5. investigative paper (eng 5)
6. philosophical analysis -10 pages (phlo171)
7. course paper - "non-verbal communication as manifested in the movie 'the new world'" (coma104)
8. research paper (coma192)

isipin pa lang ang mga to, nade-depress na 'ko. pero ok lang.
siyanga pala. baka isipin ng iba, papers lang problemadong problemado na 'ko. nag-eexam din ako.
may speech com 106 pa 'ko, daming kelangan gawin!
buhay pa kaya ako sa final's week?

what's new for me?

2006-02-03T19:53:00.000-08:00

What's the Latest?

1. I'm trying to forgive him. preferably not to think about it at all. i want peace. of my heart. of my mind. of my spirit. i'm in faith na all of these will come to an end. and that end would be the best.

2. I'm undergoing a guitar tutorial, courtesy of trizh. if i can't make a single correct tune, then why not let my fingers make up for it? i'm sure the guitar would not betray me.

3. I'm now part of the high school team. i'm so excited to touch lives of high school pips. it's like helping them go closer to God, and at the same time, being high school at heart.

4. I'm officially a cell mate. mitzi's the official cell leader. i'm so proud of her. someday, she will be my adviser, when i have to handle my own cell group na! i can feel na malapit na yun.

5. I'm back with the talents inC family. upon resting for a while after the anniv production, talents is on the move again. the cool thing is, there are new members. i'm so excited to dance with them in the next prod.

6. I'm amazed with the result of our midterm in math. i passed it. i got exactly the passing grade. i couldn't have been happier if i got higher than passing. to think that i almost failed but didn't, the thought is so amazing. but of course, i will do better on the next exams.

7. I'm not sure of my feelings about february. i hate it because it means deadlines for final requirements are approaching which means the end of the sem is near, and i love it. huh?

8. I'm forcing myself to think that i have to study for the upcoming exams. another part of me says i don't want to. the flesh is indeed weak!

9. I'm okay. (so far)

10. I'm happy.

11. I'm running out of anything to say.

B-O-R-I-N-G

2006-01-19T03:49:00.000-08:00

January 19, 2006. Wala akong magawa in one of my classes kanina. hindi ko na babanggitin kung anong class yun. just ask other comm arts students kung anong subject yun, you'll get the same answer. boring talaga! as in b-o-r-i-n-g. i was really tempted to sleep. isang parte nalang ng katinuan ko ang hindi pumipirma at talagang makakatulog na 'ko. my sanity still prevails. gusto ko nang tumayo at sumigaw ng "Sir, ang boring niyooooooooo......." pero sabi ko nga, my sanity prevailed. bilang isang estudyante, alam ko naman na tungkulin kong magkunwaring nakikinig kahit sa totoo e, nag-shut down na ang utak ko sa mga sinasabi ng teacher ko.
i immediately thought of a way para hindi makatulog. inilista ko nalang ang mga new vocabularies na natutunan ko out of his mispronunciations of words. hindi ko na ilalagay dito. ayokong maging dahilan ng pagkakaroon ninyo ng kasalanan. sabi nga ni Roger Rosenblatt sa kanyang essay na "Oops! How's That Again?", "human beings are naturally mean". i think tama siya. we love it when people commit mistakes and bloopers. we laugh at them, and tell it to other people to make them laugh. sabi din niya, "we find conventional conversations so boring and predictable," kaya tuwang tuwa daw tayo pag mali-mali ang sinasabi ng kausap o pinapakinggan natin. from my own experience nalang, tama agad siya. i want something to do kaya i listed down my teacher's mispronounced words.
naging mean ba ko?
o bored lang talaga?

miserable...

2006-01-13T14:00:00.000-08:00

i don't know how i feel. gusto kong umiyak. actually, lagi nga akong umiiyak about it. buti na lang, kapag nakakaiyak ako, lumuluwag yung dibdib ko. tumatawa na ulit ako. pero pag naaalala ko na naman siya, andian na naman. i feel miserable. i feel lost. i feel alone. i feel unloved. buti na lang there are people who really cares for me. buti nalang there are people who shows they are there, no matter what happens. but still, when i'm alone, i feel it again. kaya i hate deserted places. i hate it when i'm alone.
it's about this person na since childhood, i've always doubted his love for me. but i never felt this way before. siguro kasi i never looked for him noon. i was content with the person who tried to cater my needs, my needs that he should've been the one to fulfill. i never felt miserable, because i never expected him to be there. but now, now that i am far from both of them, ngayon ko siya hinahanap. i want to feel him now. i want him to show me that he cares, even a bit. since childhood, i never wished him to come back, i just want to feel that he's there, no matter how far he is. i knew it then that we would never be whole again. i accepted it already. i just want him to love me, us. i loved him. i accepted his flaws. i accepted all the bad things that people say and do to us because of him. i pretended to be deaf, to be blind. i pretended that everything is normal. but now i can't. sobra na.
yes, he performs his obligations to me. pero it seems that he is forced to do so. he does not do it out of love. he does not do it because he cares. he just wants people to see what he does. na kahit iniwan niya kami, hindi niya kami pinabayaan. yun ang akala niya. we need more than that. i don't need the material things that he gives. i just want him to treat me the way he is supposed to treat me. but no. he doesn't care. he doesn't love me.
i don't want to see him.
I AM STARTING TO HATE HIM.

Asyano ako..

2006-01-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

ay nga pala, matagal ko na 'tong gusto ilagay sa blog ko. galing 'to sa paragraph sa work ni Nick Joaquin na "culture as history". these are some of my favorite paragraphs.

"....to taunts by Asians on our lost soul, we respond with a mea culpa (apology) and not with a counter-charge. Where the hell were they before 1521? During the war the Japs strutting among us berated us for having become "Westernized" and bade us "come home to Asia. Since the Japanese never did for us, in our pre-west days, what Indian and Chinese civelization did for them, what business had they berating a culture they should have helped to nourish then but didn't."

another one is...

"Through the centuries of our supposed contacts with the Chinese, they were already a paper culture, we continued to write on treebark. Through the centuries of our supposed contacts with the Indons, they were already a book culture, we continued to write on treebark. And through the centuries of our supposed contacts with arabs, they were already print culture, we continued to write on treebark. But within thirty years of Legazpi we took the first step into paper culture, print culture, book culture."

just some food for thought about our country being westernized. who is to blame nga naman? the westerns or our asian neighbors who didn't pay attention to us before the westerns did? bakit parang laging galit ang mga historians sa mga westerns sa pagdadala ng western mindset sa ating bansa, imbes na sisihin ang mga asians na hindi man lang nag-effort magbahagi ng kanilang culture sa atin? yun namang mga hapon, naki-epal nalang nung nakikitang sinasakop na tayo ng west. di ba para pa ngang ang laki ng utang na loob natin sa west? Hay naku.

2006-01-04T13:50:00.000-08:00

Well, ngayon lang ulit ako nag-visit ng blog. Not that i promised myself not to touch any computer nitong holiday season, i don't know, but everytime na i have the chance to visit an internet cafe, i always end up not going anyway. There were always reasons not to go. Once, i accompanied my cousin to a salon, magpapa-hot oil daw siya. "Tamang- tama, mag-ni-net ako while nagpapa-hot oil ka," sabi ko. Pagdating namin sa salon, biruin mong magbago ang isip ng aking magaling na pinsan! Magpapa-haircut lang daw siya na ayon sa bading na mag-gugupit sa kanya nang tanungin ko kung gaano katagal ang magpagupit sa kanya, "don't worry, it won't be long." At totoo naman. Magpapaalam pa lang ako sa pinsan ko, tapos na! Nagupitan na siya. Grrrrr...
The moral of my story? Meron nga ba? All things happen naman for a reason diba? Teka. Isip muna ako....Hmmmm...
Ayun, at least i realized na kaya kong mabuhay ng 2 weeks na hindi humihipo ng computer. Dito kasi sa elbi, two days lang ako hindi makapindot sa keyboard, nagi-guilty na 'ko. Feeling ko ang bano ko na sa computer. Kasi naman, bakit ba nagkaroon pa ng computer? Bakit may internet pa? Dagdag problema lang sa mga tao na mahilig mag-computer. Imbes na alak, sigarilyo, at kung anu-ano lang ang pwedeng pagka-adikan, pati computer dumagdag. Dagdag gastos. Itong blog na 'to. Bakit kailangang sa internet pa? Pwede namang sa notebook. Mas matalino nga ang mga tao nung sa notebook pa sinusulat ang diary at sulat-kamay ang journal. Bakit ngayon kailangan kong makipagsabayan sa pagkakaroon ng online-online journal na 'to. Tumalino ba 'ko? Nasagutan ko ba ang problema ko sa math? Hindi. Nagkagulo lang ang mundo. Nag-feeling matalino na ang mga tao na may access sa computer. Ang mga instructors, hindi na yung content ng papers na pinapa-submit ang tinitingnan kapag nag-check. Hinahanap na lang nila yung 1.5 o double spacing, Times New Roman na font at kailangan pang 12 ang font size at yung number of pages dun sa paper. Kaya ang mga estudyante, imbes na isipin yung ilalagay nila sa paper nila, naging conscious na lang dun sa mga binigay na standard na magiging hitsura nung paper nila. Tapos kapag may research works, sa computer pa rin ang diretso. Isang pindot nga lang naman, hola! Andian na ang research. Pagdating sa class proud na proud ang student, ang galing nga naman niya, may research siya. Hindi niya alam, para lang pinatunayan niya sa sarili niya na mas magaling maghanap ang computer ng research kesa sa kanya. Siya na may mata, utak, kamay at paa para ipanghanap ay dumepende sa isang hamak na computer. Hindi niya alam, mas proud yung computer.
Hay naku.
Pero wala naman akong magagawa diba? Basta gusto ko mag-computer. Mapapadali naman research works and paperworks ko. Care ko kung mas matalino yung computer sa 'kin? Andito na 'to. Uso na. May account na ko sa friendster, may e-mail add na 'ko. May blog pa. Magpapakatatag nalang ako. Susuportahan ko nalang sina Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, at kung sino sino pang henyo na may pakana ng mga computer na yan... Heheeh..

2006-01-04T01:42:00.000-08:00

20 Things I've Done During The Christmas Break

1. Kumain.

2. Matulog.

3. Manood ng tv.

4. Sayawin habang inookray ang latest commercial ng rejoice (straight na natural, at 'di mahal......)

5. Hindi umuwi ng Marinduque.

6. Intayin ang Christmas.

7. Mainggit sa mga pinsan ko na namasko sa ninong at ninang nila. (Bakit kasi ang tanda ko na?!)

8. Makipagtawanan ng walang humpay with my cousins.

9. Mag-practice ng number namin nung New Year program. (Choral version ng "Tatlong Bear".)

10. Intayin ang New Year.

11. Deprive myself of computer.

12. I-attempt mag-practice sa Math. (Puro attempts lang talaga.)

13.Asarin ang mama ko. (Peace naman kami.)

14. Asarin ang mga pinsan ko.

15. Samahan ang pinsan kong magpa-parlor, magbayad ng electric bill, at mag-grocery.

16. Manood ng movies. (King Kong, Skeleton Key, The Corpse Bride, Mr. and Mrs Smith for the third time, and The Cave, Brothers Grimm pa
nga pala.)

17. I-pray na sana matagal pa before ang pasukan.

18. Gayahin ang dance steps ng dancers ng wowowee...(Yuck!)

19. Okrayin ang mga damit ni Kris Aquino sa "Pilipinas, Game ka na ba?"

20. Tumulong magluto, maglinis ng bahay, at kung anu-ano pang gawaing bahay.

2005-12-15T19:24:00.000-08:00

The past few days are okay. They were normal school days. But of course there are still things that happened that never happened to me before, but there was nothing so extraordinary. The only not-so-ordinary happenings are the exchange gifts, and preparation for christmas parties. Of course, those do not happen to me everyday.
But i think i'm wrong. Are they really not happening to me everyday? Or they do happen? Alam ko malabo. What i mean is, i can only feel christmas when it is december, when people are busy buying and wrapping gifts, when christmas songs are in the air, when my eyes are hurting because of blinking lights in windows of houses, when people are saying MERRY CHRISTMAS. But the fact is, everyday is christmas. It is just that people are not giving gifts nor greeting MERRY CHRISTMAS, christmas songs are not being played, and there are no christmas lights nor lanterns in houses. But indeed i receive gifts. Everyday. Every breath that i take is a gift. Every step that i make is a gift. Every people i talk to, every move that i peform, every single word that i utter, are all gifts to me. I just don't notice it because it is not christmas. And when it is not christmas, people are not supposed to receive gifts. I fail to appreciate gifts unless it is wrapped in beautiful papers. But God does not wrap his gifts. He does not want me to notice His gifts. He just wants me to have them. He does not care if I say thank you or if I even acknowledge our gifts. He will give His them to me anyway. Unconditional. Christmas or not. There is an occasion or none. Gifts are showering on me. EVeryday. All i have to do is to be grateful about it. To acknowledge that everything I have is a gift. I don't own anything when I was made. But God gave me all I need and all that i have now.
So, i now have the right to say that everyday is an extraordinary day. Because everyday has a new gift from God.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I'm exhausted, happy though...

2005-12-11T17:22:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm...how am i gonna start? After three days, ngayon lang ulit ako nag-visit ng blog ko. Right now, i am here in Caloocan. I spent the weekend here.. Andito ako sa isang computer shop na nakakapraning ang music.. Kanina sexbomb, ngayon hindi ko alam title ng music na 'to pero feeling ko hindi pa napapanganak si mama, na-record na 'to.. Hay naku.. I Can't find anything to say...
Kwento ko na kaya nangyari sa akin for the past three days (including today):

Friday: I woke up, nanginginig.. It was so cold kasi. But I still managed to get up and take a bath. Then ginawa ang walang kamatayang "going to school". Dinala ko na mga gamit ko na dadalahin ko sa MAnila. Math 11 was my first class for the day. Honestly, i didn't understand a word of what my instructor taughts us. It wasn't her. It was me. Ewan. I just have this habit na when i can't understand a lesson (especially math), my brain seems to shut up and stop working. Parang nakikita ko lang si ma'am na nagsasalita pero i can't catch up with anything she was saying. It was so frustrating! Tapos, nun lang pumasok sa isip ko na i didn't actually bring my book. SAyang din yung weekend, makakapag-practice sana ako dun sa math kaso nakalimutan ko nga yung book ko! Hay naku! After ng Math, I went to my next class, Eng 5. On my way, nasalubong ko classmates ko, wala daw kaming class. I went straight to McDonald's. I have a date kasi with my Cell leader's friend or can i say LG mate? Anyway, i waited there for an hour, then Mitzi came. We ate. Then, there came Iyam and Lia. We talked about the weather. Ang gloomy kasi ng weather nun. Actually, if given the chance, i'll choose not to go to manila na lang. Nakakatamad kasi yung panahon. The rain kept on pouring and pouring. Ako pa naman ang taong hindi nagpapayong. But i have to go anyway. 18th birthday kasi ng beloved cousin ko. Of course i wanna be there.
Few minutes later, dumating na si Ate Sca (siya yung ka-date namin). She talked to us about our new obligation, Cell leadership. Bigla ko na-miss si ate celat. I realized, miss ko na pala talaga siya. And to think na kami na ang bagong leaders sa cell, i'm so nervous. Different thoughts keep on playing in my mind. Puro what if's. Are we going to really make it? Do God really want me in this place? I don't know. If God is speaking to me, i can't hear Him clearly. And i can't wait to hear from Him.
When we finished talking, pina-print ko na Philo paper ko then went to my next class. We just passed the paper, tapos talked about some activities for the next week, tapos nag-announce si sir ng quiz. Essay daw 'bout what we are learning in his class so far. Sinulat ko namang may natutunan ako, and that i'm still confused with the difference of selfishness and egotism. I ended my essay there. I then passed the paper, at nagsimulang mag lakbay patungong manila.
Pagdating sa manila, wala pa si Ria (yung cousin kong may Birthday). There was a surprise mini-party for her. Obviously, she had not a single idea bout it. Sinabi sa kanya ng mom niya, there's no preparation. So pagdating niya, she was really...guess what? Surprised siyempre. Not to mention she was really happy. Feeling ko, mas masaya pa siya kesa sa ibang debutant na halos one year na nag-prepare for her big night. Tapos, kwento pa niya, her friends celebrated her birthday sa school. Bumili lang sila ng mga junkfoods, softdrinks, masaya sila! I could see in her eyes na she needed no big party. What matters is how she felt valued and appreciated by people around her. That's the important thing naman about being 18 eh. It's not about the 18 guys who'll dance with you and the 18 candles who'll make the wishes, it's the people who'll dance with you even without the roses, and the people who'll wish for you even without the candles. The best thing is, you'll discover na hindi lang sila 18, they're more than what you think. Yung malalaman mo na they are there kahit walang party, kahit hindi sila invited. I think that is what Ria was thinking kasi i sensed na she was so happy. And of course, i felt the same way for her.

Saturday: Paalis sina tita papunta sa site ng project ni tito sa Tagaytay . Ria and i decided na mag-joyride with them. Yun bang sa van lang kami habang nag-wo-work sila. Astig nga eh! Ang saya! Tapos, while waiting for them, we played badminton. Tapos nagkwentuhan lang kami ni Ria. ANg saya talaga.

Sunday: We woke up really early and attended the 7 am mass. After, uwi kami sa bahay. TApos, after lunch, we went to the mall and bought gifts for the exchange gift activities for the week. After nun, andito na 'ko sa harap ng coimputer, pilit na tinitiis ang unbearable na music sa computer shop na 'to.

medio praning ako...medio lng!

2005-12-07T15:52:00.000-08:00

Well, well,well... Second entry ko na. (Kelangan ba talagang bilangin?) Anyway, muzta naman ako? Eto, kakagaling lng sa maligamgam (actually, mainit siya, kaso malamig ang panahon, pag pinagsama mo, maligamgam! Does that makes sense?) na discussion sa Philo171 class namin. Kasi daw, i-differentiate daw ang Egotism and Selfishness. E di siyempre medyo na-windang kami...Paano nga ba? May pinagkaiba ba yun? Well, meron daw. Egotism pag you want to get what you want, magiging selfishness siya pag may nasasagasaan na na ibang tao. Dun na nagsimula ang lahat!!! Paano nga naman kung may nagbe-benefit from you pero may nasasagasaan ka? Selfishness pa rin ba? Tapos... moment ko na. Nagtaray ang lola. Paano kung sa tingin ng ibang tao, selfish ako, pero hindi ko alam na i'm being selfish na? Selfish ba ako? Paano kung akala ko mabuti yung ginagawa ko? Pero yun pala may nasasagasaan? Selfishness ba yun? Tapos lahat ng tanong, nag-fall sa isang sagot, MOTIVE. Nasa motive daw yun ng tao. Ngayon na-realize ko, wala akong karapatan na sabihing selfish ang sinuman. Unless alam ko yung motive nila. Of course hindi naman masasabi ng isang tao yung motives niya sa lahat ng makakasalubong niya, kaya hindi pwede sabihing selfish ang sinuman.. Pero may bumabagabag pa rin sa kin, e di walang selfish na tao! Sino ba naman ang taong aamin na selfishness yung ginagawa niya? Hay naku! ANg labo!
Isa lang ito sa patunay na may mga bagay sa mundo na kahit piliting ipaliwanag ay hindi pwede. May explanation nga, pero may anomalies pa rin. Pati ba naman selfishness ay daanin sa mala-scientific na pagpapaliwanag?!
Anyway, nang matapos ang pagpapaliwanagan, biglang naalala ng instructor namin yung paper namin na due sa Friday. Nakakaasar naman..Tapos naaalala ko na wala pa pala kaming nagagawa ng partner ko..Patay!

I Talked...

2005-12-06T20:51:00.000-08:00

So...so...so...at last, may blog na ko...hmmmm...at the moment wala pa akong matinong skin, but as soon as possible, aayusin ko na to...hey, i just started my blog...